becoming a stereotype
Two days ago I was charging out of the front door of my house to the car when my cell phone rang, It was Mom and we started chatting and I half-noticed a woman getting stuff out of her car, which was parked right behind mine. She stopped unloading her car and flagged me down. She was a middle-aged Latina in hospital scrubs. I told my mom to wait while the woman nervously said, 'Is everything alright? I'm a nurse and I'm doing a home visit." she pointed across the street to where Agnes lives. I've seen lots of different cars parked here in the last year, nurses and aides going to see Agnes, who is declining. They go briskly about their business becoming part of the backdrop. But this woman insisted I talk to her, so I hung up on Mom and said, "Yeah, everything's fine. Do you need something?" Fear on her face, she repeated that she was a nurse doing a home visit. "Great, wonderful!" I said, wondering what was really going on when a picture of me, a white middle-aged woman talking into a cell phone popped up. I was that woman calling the cops because I saw a brown person in my territory.
Then yesterday, two young black men, high school age, were walking down the street when I was getting out of my car. I was on my phone again and as they passed in front of me I smiled and said hello and they... physically recoiled.
A white rookie cop shot an unarmed crazy brown person less than two weeks ago in our neighborhood. The unarmed crazy brown person is being buried today and police supporters are protesting the funeral because the rookie cop has been charged with voluntary manslaughter. Fear that blinds the mind and pulls the trigger. One person dead and two families ruined because of it.
When I moved to Allentown and took a gig teaching at LCCC in downtown at night, I got a letter from the school administration warning the faculty not to park in the downtown because it was dangerous, and so my husband ferried me back and forth until I finally said, you know, I'm not really afraid of other people. This is ridiculous. And I started driving myself. That was ten years ago, but I didn't see it for what it was. The students themselves were not warned of this danger. I know because I asked them. Perhaps, it was because they, mostly brown and black children, were assumed to be the danger?
I know I know I know white people don't know about racism and privilege and we can go around oblivious to the rest of humanity happy as pigs in a pen. I don't know how to fix that. It's only been recently that I felt I personally wasn't being seen as an individual (Ah! we have that in common!). That I've become a stereotype, a white woman wielding a cell phone like a semi that can summon a cop and ruin a life or four, just because I'm scared. That makes a large number of my fellow humans scared of me. I know they're scared of me. I have seen that fear before--on the faces of people I had to fire on the job. Of lives I had to disrupt if not ruin. Justified or not. A big reason I left corporate America. Then, I had the luxury of walking away. But I live here. There's no quitting this one.
Then yesterday, two young black men, high school age, were walking down the street when I was getting out of my car. I was on my phone again and as they passed in front of me I smiled and said hello and they... physically recoiled.
A white rookie cop shot an unarmed crazy brown person less than two weeks ago in our neighborhood. The unarmed crazy brown person is being buried today and police supporters are protesting the funeral because the rookie cop has been charged with voluntary manslaughter. Fear that blinds the mind and pulls the trigger. One person dead and two families ruined because of it.
When I moved to Allentown and took a gig teaching at LCCC in downtown at night, I got a letter from the school administration warning the faculty not to park in the downtown because it was dangerous, and so my husband ferried me back and forth until I finally said, you know, I'm not really afraid of other people. This is ridiculous. And I started driving myself. That was ten years ago, but I didn't see it for what it was. The students themselves were not warned of this danger. I know because I asked them. Perhaps, it was because they, mostly brown and black children, were assumed to be the danger?
I know I know I know white people don't know about racism and privilege and we can go around oblivious to the rest of humanity happy as pigs in a pen. I don't know how to fix that. It's only been recently that I felt I personally wasn't being seen as an individual (Ah! we have that in common!). That I've become a stereotype, a white woman wielding a cell phone like a semi that can summon a cop and ruin a life or four, just because I'm scared. That makes a large number of my fellow humans scared of me. I know they're scared of me. I have seen that fear before--on the faces of people I had to fire on the job. Of lives I had to disrupt if not ruin. Justified or not. A big reason I left corporate America. Then, I had the luxury of walking away. But I live here. There's no quitting this one.
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