Time to Buck Up...

I denied it for a long time--look he just won BIG in North Dakota! He's going all the way! --even when the count was impossible and those tantalizing super delegates were swinging on the vine like low-but-forbidden fruit and we tried to steal them, because what the hell, right? They're right there! and then I got angry that those super delegates existed for the express purpose of overriding an upstart population--like Bernie supporters-- who might not agree with the foregone conclusion of party apparatchiks and media and they'd be damned fools to give them up, so we said, "Look. Ok. The numbers don't add up, but it wasn't even about Bernie, REALLY, it was about his ideas, so why don't we just throw Bernie under the bus and put his ideas on the platform and it will be like Bernie is STILL ALIVE! Right?" And we struck a bargain -- Numero uno: that Wasserman-Schultz babe has got to go! She's like personally responsible for this whole election mess. And she did go and we were so pumped by that that we upped the ante, "And don't go giving her any big ass jobs on the Clinton campaign like a booby prize" and of course they did, so we demanded that when Bernie spoke at the convention he be given a free pass to say whatever the hell he wanted and he did: he talked like he was Hillary's spokesman "Hillary's going to do this, like I told her to do" and "Hillary's going to do that, like I told her to do" to the point where I was starting to wonder if Hillary had any idea what Bernie was promising in her name, and the camera kept panning to Bill who was eating a carrot and pretending to be interested so I guess it was okay. But it really wasn't okay, you know? We were all crying because we knew it was over except for the shouting, so we started to shout to speed things up.  And then we crashed.  It's just so depressing. Bernie really is dead.  All the platforms in the world aren't going to raise him up. It's not like he's Jesus and can do that. He's an atheist and atheists have no arrows in that quiver. And then, Michelle gave that fabulous speech, which made it kind of hard not to like Hillary, because Michelle called her "our friend" and anybody who Michelle likes is okay.  I mean, didn't Michelle dance with a giant carton of low-fat milk to cure childhood obesity?  That took a lot of nerve. When you think about it, we owe her. Our children aren't the laughing stock of the universe anymore. So, if she says Hillary's okay, maybe she is. She's not The Donald, at least. That's something, isn't it? Although nobody I personally know is anything remotely like The Donald.  Okay, push that thought down. She has a lot of experience in DC and I hope she's learned something from it. We have to accept it, Bernie is not going to be the Democratic nominee for prez.  Wishin' and hopin' ain't gonna bring him back. We got to think of another strategy for keeping our democracy from going to hell in a hand basket. So, okay, Hillary. I wonder if she accepts small bills?