Thoughts on the Plague
1. The
trials of homeless billionaires Meghan and Harry and Archibald are as uninteresting
as the silly hats they wore to dole out largesse at some function. Please stop
sending me news alerts.
2. On the other hand, homeless POOR people are f*ked. Hungry? Out in the street? We’ll feed you our thoughts and prayers, babe.
3. After years of unrequited love, BREAD—enemy of slim jeans and single digit sizes—all on its own and without warning, is now as boring as celery.
4. The secret banality of novels about life In Brooklyn and the quest for the ultimate balsamic vinaigrette has been cracked wide open.
5. I now feel nostalgic for novels about life in Brooklyn.
6. Irony.
7. Young brazen bullies, kicking boomer sandcastles, are partying on the beach while boomer lungs crash and burn.
8. Our officially sanctioned culture—music, art, literature—has been revealed to be a money-making scheme.
9. I got a survey yesterday from some arts organization in my town asking how the lock-down is affecting me. Seriously? Are you going to give me money? Why do I feel I’m getting set up to be rejected?
10. Our government has been revealed to be what it has always been: a giant piggy bank for the party in power. Actually, both parties. Question of degree, not kind.
11. A scene from The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind loops in my brain: where all memory of the boyfriend is surgically or chemically removed. Can’t we do that with the entire 45 administration, Republican Party and—so sorry—the Democratic National Committee as well? You people exhaust me.
12. Isn’t insider trading a crime anymore?
13. After shopping for groceries this morning, I can say with confidence that Germ Theory is no longer being taught in public schools.
14. I knew the stock market was rigged when I read The Art of the Deal back when. Trump bragged that he dumped his shares in Tropicana a day before he declared bankruptcy for that eponymous casino.
15. Also, stock market: it’s impossible for a private citizen with no connections to participate in an IPO. Fun fact.
16. I spoke with a friend last night who is convinced he had COVID-19 this winter, but had no health insurance, so he scrounged leftover antibiotics from friends. Then he took a job in a high exposure place for the health insurance.
17. Irony.
18. I wonder if the panic that is invoked by the sight of a NY or NJ license plate (here in PA) will be encoded in our DNA much like our fear of rats because of the bubonic plague.
19. I would gladly give up strawberries in January, if we could all manage to go local. Do we really need our garlic peeled in Hong Kong prisons? Our chickens processed in China?
20. When my parents were considering moving into assisted living, one of the things we learned is that people need six personal connections a day. You don’t have to be best friends, but you need six people to look you in the eye and say “g’day, mate.”
21. Mental health professionals are going to have a field day when/if this is over.
22. The friends I talk to on the phone all hope that this is a pivotal moment, that people will realize they can’t wear more than one dress at a time, you don’t need strawberries in January, that we don’t have to be connected by the global highway to embrace the golden chains that bind us to the hills and the wildlife, and even each other. You just have to open your eyes.
23. Irony.
24. It’s a great time to be a writer.
2. On the other hand, homeless POOR people are f*ked. Hungry? Out in the street? We’ll feed you our thoughts and prayers, babe.
3. After years of unrequited love, BREAD—enemy of slim jeans and single digit sizes—all on its own and without warning, is now as boring as celery.
4. The secret banality of novels about life In Brooklyn and the quest for the ultimate balsamic vinaigrette has been cracked wide open.
5. I now feel nostalgic for novels about life in Brooklyn.
6. Irony.
7. Young brazen bullies, kicking boomer sandcastles, are partying on the beach while boomer lungs crash and burn.
8. Our officially sanctioned culture—music, art, literature—has been revealed to be a money-making scheme.
9. I got a survey yesterday from some arts organization in my town asking how the lock-down is affecting me. Seriously? Are you going to give me money? Why do I feel I’m getting set up to be rejected?
10. Our government has been revealed to be what it has always been: a giant piggy bank for the party in power. Actually, both parties. Question of degree, not kind.
11. A scene from The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind loops in my brain: where all memory of the boyfriend is surgically or chemically removed. Can’t we do that with the entire 45 administration, Republican Party and—so sorry—the Democratic National Committee as well? You people exhaust me.
12. Isn’t insider trading a crime anymore?
13. After shopping for groceries this morning, I can say with confidence that Germ Theory is no longer being taught in public schools.
14. I knew the stock market was rigged when I read The Art of the Deal back when. Trump bragged that he dumped his shares in Tropicana a day before he declared bankruptcy for that eponymous casino.
15. Also, stock market: it’s impossible for a private citizen with no connections to participate in an IPO. Fun fact.
16. I spoke with a friend last night who is convinced he had COVID-19 this winter, but had no health insurance, so he scrounged leftover antibiotics from friends. Then he took a job in a high exposure place for the health insurance.
17. Irony.
18. I wonder if the panic that is invoked by the sight of a NY or NJ license plate (here in PA) will be encoded in our DNA much like our fear of rats because of the bubonic plague.
19. I would gladly give up strawberries in January, if we could all manage to go local. Do we really need our garlic peeled in Hong Kong prisons? Our chickens processed in China?
20. When my parents were considering moving into assisted living, one of the things we learned is that people need six personal connections a day. You don’t have to be best friends, but you need six people to look you in the eye and say “g’day, mate.”
21. Mental health professionals are going to have a field day when/if this is over.
22. The friends I talk to on the phone all hope that this is a pivotal moment, that people will realize they can’t wear more than one dress at a time, you don’t need strawberries in January, that we don’t have to be connected by the global highway to embrace the golden chains that bind us to the hills and the wildlife, and even each other. You just have to open your eyes.
23. Irony.
24. It’s a great time to be a writer.
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