In Your Stars Today

It's a shame strangers don't ask what your sign is anymore, because it's a convenient shorthand to get a read on people.  Gemini?  You're dealing with a duplicitous trickster; those people with twenty items in the fifteen item line and, no, 10-cans-of-cat-food-does-not-count-as-one-item? They're Geminis.  Leo?  Good luck getting a word in edgewise with those people, they never shut their traps, even if they're wrong which they usually are.  Obama is a Leo.  Lots of roar.  Virgo?  Opinionated dorks.  Chris Christie is a Virgo, but so is Bernie Sander. Both outliers, although if I had to chose I would tend towards Bernie because our opinions jibe. But still, they're noisy.  Libra? Sorry. They're just sneaky.  Did you just slip that bag of Peet's coffee into your handbag?  Guess who's a Libra.

And so on.  

What do we have now?  Cat people and dog people?  All politicians--especially presidents--get pets to prove they're human. So, nothing there.  Rich people and paupers?  Duh.  Gun people and...others?  Sun Signs are still the most reliable grid to sift people through.  I have a gun, for example, but I tend towards Hillary who is anti-gun, but that's misleading because she is a Scorpio, the most belligerent sign of the zodiac and she was the Warrior Queen of State so I would rely on the fact that she is a Scorpio to make my decision in 2016. Just to put it in perspective, I have a little revolver.  She had drones.  I could just be jealous, though.  Rand Paul is a Capricorn and while they have stellar intelligence and are extraordinarily good looking, I am a Capricorn and I know how ruthless they can be.  So, nyet.  Elizabeth Warren is a Cancer.  Frankly I don't have anything bad to say about Cancer--they're friendly and fun-loving and family-loving, clean, brave and reverent.  I hope to god she doesn't lie about her age.  

Fifteen years bad luck if you don't re-post this!